Lucrezia Borgia's Salon

An Atlanta woman's thoughts on random topics like relationships, politics, religion, food, wine, music, art, and pop culture.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

So. I'm "pussy"-whipped by my cat ...

Yeah, that's right. "Pussy-whipped" by Wee Wee.

Had lunch with a girlfriend of mine this afternoon and this is the unsettling reality that is staring me in the face now that I've conferred with her on the W2 problem. Being a longtime cat owner herself, she had some things to say about the situation and gave me what sounded like some pretty good advice. I'd at least give it an A+ for novelty. This is how the sista broke it down:

1. The whole W2 issue is a dominant cat/submissive cat thing.
He sees himself as the dominant cat/alpha cat/boss and me as the submissive cat, even though I’m his “mother”/food supply.

2. Now that I'm spending a lot more time away from W2, bringing The Boyfriend in the picture, etc., W2 feels very threatened and encroached upon and is losing control of his territory - and losing control of ME - and that's what he is upset about.

3. The power structure has gotten this way because I don’t physically discipline him and show him who’s boss. Evidently, cats do need to be physically disciplined on occasion when they act up, and the cat behaviourists' argument that cats aren't like dogs and don’t respond to physical discipline/restraint and respond only to verbal discipline is just wrong. And no, W2 won't hate and fear me like these so-called cat "experts" say he will if I smack him up a bit. She has always smacked up her bitches, er, felines whenever they've acted up and they never started hating and fearing her. So I shouldn’t be afraid to resort to physical discipline. After all, that’s what the dominant cat does to the submissive cat to stay in control.

4. When W2 dug his claw into my temple, what I should have done was, I should have chased him and smacked his furry arse, but I didn’t. Instead, I yelled at him and slammed the office door. This signalled to him that it was okay for him to make me his bitch and smack me up because there would be no consequences. And when he nailed my hand twice, I should have really given him a whupping but again, I did not, I yelled at him instead, and of course he didn't give a damn that I yelled at him. Big whoop. Now, if I make it hurt, that'll get his attention.

5. Next time The Boyfriend comes over and W2 starts getting postal on him, The Boyfriend must do absolutely nothing because it’s between me and W2 ... to quote Dr. Evil and Austin Powers, “this time, it’s personal.” What I need to do is make sure The Boyfriend does not react at all, and leave all the reacting and disciplining to me and I will just have to go “operational” on him, enough to cause a little bit of pain, and I must do this every time he shows aggression. If The Boyfriend gets involved in this it will just confuse and enrage W2 so that he lashes out at me. All the water-squirting, hand-smacking, towel-snapping, arse-kicking, etc. has to come from me, even if it's because he’s attacked The Boyfriend and not me.

6. It will take a few weeks for him to get it in his head that *I* am the dominant cat and *he* has to be submissive and share me, because he’s been the dominant cat for 10 years, but he will eventually get used to the new power structure and calm down and learn to share me with The Boyfriend, as long as I continue patiently and determinedly in this fashion.

Although The Boyfriend has been coming up with ideas on what to do, which is great, it’s basically on me now, which is fine with me. In fact, I prefer it that way since it’s my cat anyway and he shouldn't have to deal with this at all. I’m not afraid of W2. The cat can scratch the hell out of me and it may hurt like a bitch, but the little arsehole won't and can't kill me, and there's always Neosporin and Band-Aids.

Right now the little angel pie is sprawled across my lap trying to take up as much room as possible and keeping me from typing.

[sigh]

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