Family wisdom ...
Today I was contemplating how every family has its own special sayings. Everybody can recall at least one saying from at least one family member, that they remember because it's hysterically funny, or just really poignant and profound. It seems every family, no matter how dysfunctional, bequeaths to its members at least one gem of one sort or another, that says a lot about the family member and his/her perspective, focus and philosophy as a unique individual, but also on a more general level about life itself. I am lucky to have collected plenty of gems from my own family. :-)
My dad:
1) (On John Kerry) Anybody who votes for Kerry is a p*ssy.
2) (On Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, whom he met once) Everybody may think he's this big peace broker but he's really a big a$$hole. He was the biggest a$$hole ever to occupy the White House, other than Bill Clinton. Rosalynn is a sweetheart, though. He doesn't deserve her.
3) (On automotive care) Your car is in bad shape because you don’t take care of it [which I do but he likes to think that I don’t because it gives him a reason to benevolently hound me]. Take care of your car and it’ll take good care of you.
4) (Whenever I suffer an emotional or work-related disappointment) Piss on ‘em! Or: F*ck ‘em and feed ‘em beans!
5) (Whenever I am worried about something) If they aren’t putting bread on your table, if you have no control over it, it’s not worth worrying about. If you have control over it, then do something about it.
6) (On honesty and consistency) Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
7) (Calling me and singing the Stevie Wonder song out of tune) I just called to say I love youuuu!
My mom:
1) (On the weather) I just saw on TV that there’s a storm headed this way, I wouldn’t go out in it if I were you but be sure and take a umbrella with you if you do. [NOTE: “a umbrella” is not a typo; my mom is from Birmingham, AL and it’s the dialect.]
2) (At restaurants, looking at whatever everybody else is eating) You know that has a lot of fat in it.
3) (While grocery shopping) Don’t buy that, it has hydrogenated oil in it! That stuff’ll kill you!
4) (On a guy I was once interested in, who said he wanted to go out with me at one point but had a conflict because he was taking his mom out for coffee, whom he hadn’t seen in a while) He doesn't want to date you because he’s too busy dating his mother.
5) (On Wee2) Wee Wee doesn’t like your boyfriend because he thinks he's your boyfriend.
6) (On Sundays) Have you gone to Mass today, honey? Make sure you go to Mass today, please.
7) (When people let me down) Just offer it up and pray for them. God sees what you are suffering and will turn it into something.
8) (On parental love) All I want is for you to be happy. Your happiness is my happiness, and when your heart breaks, my heart breaks too.
9) (On our relationship) You're my best friend.
10) (A classic of moms everywhere - said whenever I tell her to stop nagging me about things) You'll never understand until you have a child of your own!
11) (On motherhood) I was never happier than when I was pregnant.
12) (More on motherhood) Your daddy and I were so filled with joy the day you were born and you have brought us nothing but joy ever since.
My brother:
1) (On dating) Don’t give it all up at once! Leave something in the bank, for God’s sake!
2) (On disappointments) Screw me once, f*ck you. Screw me twice, f*ck me.
3) (On driving) Either lead, follow, or get out of the f*cking way.
Today I was contemplating how every family has its own special sayings. Everybody can recall at least one saying from at least one family member, that they remember because it's hysterically funny, or just really poignant and profound. It seems every family, no matter how dysfunctional, bequeaths to its members at least one gem of one sort or another, that says a lot about the family member and his/her perspective, focus and philosophy as a unique individual, but also on a more general level about life itself. I am lucky to have collected plenty of gems from my own family. :-)
My dad:
1) (On John Kerry) Anybody who votes for Kerry is a p*ssy.
2) (On Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, whom he met once) Everybody may think he's this big peace broker but he's really a big a$$hole. He was the biggest a$$hole ever to occupy the White House, other than Bill Clinton. Rosalynn is a sweetheart, though. He doesn't deserve her.
3) (On automotive care) Your car is in bad shape because you don’t take care of it [which I do but he likes to think that I don’t because it gives him a reason to benevolently hound me]. Take care of your car and it’ll take good care of you.
4) (Whenever I suffer an emotional or work-related disappointment) Piss on ‘em! Or: F*ck ‘em and feed ‘em beans!
5) (Whenever I am worried about something) If they aren’t putting bread on your table, if you have no control over it, it’s not worth worrying about. If you have control over it, then do something about it.
6) (On honesty and consistency) Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
7) (Calling me and singing the Stevie Wonder song out of tune) I just called to say I love youuuu!
My mom:
1) (On the weather) I just saw on TV that there’s a storm headed this way, I wouldn’t go out in it if I were you but be sure and take a umbrella with you if you do. [NOTE: “a umbrella” is not a typo; my mom is from Birmingham, AL and it’s the dialect.]
2) (At restaurants, looking at whatever everybody else is eating) You know that has a lot of fat in it.
3) (While grocery shopping) Don’t buy that, it has hydrogenated oil in it! That stuff’ll kill you!
4) (On a guy I was once interested in, who said he wanted to go out with me at one point but had a conflict because he was taking his mom out for coffee, whom he hadn’t seen in a while) He doesn't want to date you because he’s too busy dating his mother.
5) (On Wee2) Wee Wee doesn’t like your boyfriend because he thinks he's your boyfriend.
6) (On Sundays) Have you gone to Mass today, honey? Make sure you go to Mass today, please.
7) (When people let me down) Just offer it up and pray for them. God sees what you are suffering and will turn it into something.
8) (On parental love) All I want is for you to be happy. Your happiness is my happiness, and when your heart breaks, my heart breaks too.
9) (On our relationship) You're my best friend.
10) (A classic of moms everywhere - said whenever I tell her to stop nagging me about things) You'll never understand until you have a child of your own!
11) (On motherhood) I was never happier than when I was pregnant.
12) (More on motherhood) Your daddy and I were so filled with joy the day you were born and you have brought us nothing but joy ever since.
My brother:
1) (On dating) Don’t give it all up at once! Leave something in the bank, for God’s sake!
2) (On disappointments) Screw me once, f*ck you. Screw me twice, f*ck me.
3) (On driving) Either lead, follow, or get out of the f*cking way.
Labels: family sayings, quotes, wisdom
posted by Lucrezia Borgia @ 12:41 AM
2 Comments:
At 9:53 AM,
D' Wizard said…
What are your parents names? Frank and Marie? You sound like a female Raymond (or Robert, but probably Raymond without the Debra).
At 11:45 PM,
Lucrezia Borgia said…
Nope, they aren't Frank and Marie, they aren't nearly as meddling as those two are. Thank goodness. LOL. Although my dear mother (who has passed on since I wrote that entry back in '05) would probably be a softer, sweeter, more nurturing version of Marie.
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