Wee Wee has gone postal ...

I think I'll kick off this blog with a little passage about the havoc my cat has been wreaking lately in my home sweet home. I have had my cat, Wee Wee, for 10 years since he was a kitten.


More on him at my Web page.

Now, W2 has always been rabidly crotchety, territorial, and possessive throughout the years. With me, he's always been a complete angel pie (until fairly recently), but as for anybody who is a close friend or loved one, he gets very aggressive toward them, always hissing and rowling at them, even rushing them and attacking them with claws flying, mostly unprovoked - he just goes after them, no fear. So basically I have to lock him up whenever I have guests over or host one of my parties. Otherwise my peeps and homies would have to strap on the leg guards and Kevlar vests whenever they come over to visit. He has severely scratched, bitten and terrorized friends of mine, literally run a roommate out of the house, and even bit the crap out of my mom's hand once when she attempted to feed him a cat treat. I have attempted twice through the years to get him a playmate, and both times it was a disaster and I had to give the new cat away. (He terrorized the first cat to the point where he quite literally scared the piss out of her every single day, all over the house, and with the second, a kitten, he didn't attack her, but he did go on a hunger strike and refused to eat for days until I gave her to a friend of mine. Drama queen.)

Curiously, however, he has never acted aggressively toward service repairmen, one-time visitors, or any of the guys I have dated over the years, not even toward the basket case my friends and I affectionately refer to as Train Wreck Craig (my last boyfriend, who was a raging alcoholic and, well, a train wreck ... TWC lived with me for all of 3 months till I could endure his obnoxiousness no more and kicked him out, and I am sure W2 must have positively loathed having him around). I guess because W2 knew they wouldn't be sticking around and his position as "Man" of the House was safe, at least for the long term.

But, now that I have a New Boyfriend who a) happens to be sticking around and b) seems to be a keeper, W2 has gone completely postal, and I don't quite know what to do.

The second or third night The Boyfriend spent over at my place, W2 lunged at him, intending to do serious harm. Fortunately, The Boyfriend's combat training picked up in Air Force Special Operations and his quick reflexes, which fortunately happen to be even quicker than Wee Wee's, enabled him to smoothly sidestep the lunge, avoiding contact with W2's claws and fangs and a gorefest worthy of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The implacable W2 then positioned himself under my bed, rowling and hissing loudly at The Boyfriend like I'd never heard before. I handed The Boyfriend a glass of water to throw at him and W2 got a mouthful of water in mid-rowl: "ROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWfffffhhhhttttthhhpphtth." Then after The Boyfriend left, I walked into my office to start my workday, and W2 hopped on my desk for the usual morning-love ritual (where he butts my face with his head affectionately and licks me and purrs). However, instead of the morning love, I received a claw deep in my left temple.

I got a bit panicky at that point because he'd never done anything like that before. I got on the phone with the vet to see if they would recommend a cat behaviourist. They said that the cat behaviourist wouldn't see my cat unless he got a clean bill of health from them first. I was SOL here because I haven't taken W2 to the vet to update his shots for three years - the last time I was over there he attacked the vet and for revenge, he slapped me with a $300 bill - and I wasn't about to take W2's furry arse over there again any time soon, for either his punishment or mine, especially since he is a 100% indoor cat and never goes outside anyway. They recommended that I stop by the clinic and pick up this cat pheromone diffuser from them that supposedly "worked miracles" with calming stressed cats down and curbing aggressive behaviour, especially when a new person was introduced into the home. So I shelled out $80 for two of these suckers because I have a two-level home and they told me I needed one on each level.

Did they work? Of course not! Two days later, W2 again attempted to rush The Boyfriend and deeply clawed my right hand and arm when I tried to calm him down. That night, as The Boyfriend and I were peacefully sleeping, W2 positioned himself like a gargoyle from hell on the headboard above our heads, rowling ominously at both of us and threatening to jump down on us and rip us both to shreds at the slightest move or sound from us. I just muttered, "Shut up, Wee Wee" and went back to sleep. Then I moved my hand in my sleep, and Wee Wee nailed my hand in the same place he'd nailed me earlier that evening. BITCH!!!

The Boyfriend hasn't been back at my place since, not because he's afraid of W2, but because he's afraid of what he'd do to W2 if he attacks me or him again. I gave The Boyfriend authorization to kick some feline arse (as long as he did not break any bones or damage any vital organs, because for the reasons mentioned above, I just really, really don't want to have to take W2 to the vet) because in my opinion, that is just what he needs right now. I don't care what cat behaviourists say about cats not responding to physical discipline like dogs do. W2 needs to be taken down to the corner of Kick Butt and Whoop Arse and it's gonna go down pretty soon ... To be continued ...