Well, last week I decided to call a chimney sweeping company to have somebody come out to inspect and clean my chimney; I figured it was due for a check-up after living here for nine years, even though I build a fire only once or twice a year. To my surprise, the sweep who showed up was a) cute, b) charming and c) single, and we got to talking about all kinds of things, and after he finished his inspection (chimney had a fairly clean bill of health, no serious problems), we chatted for a couple more hours since his next appointment wasn't until the late afternoon. Before he left, he asked me out, and of course I said yes. After all, my favorite movie as a kid was Mary Poppins - and if shaking hands with a sweep or blowing him a kiss was supposed to bring you luck (
as the song goes), a date with one would surely be that much luckier!!
Unfortunately, that was the high point of our interaction, and it went promptly to the ash-heap from there. Saturday evening around 7 pm he called me and asked me what I was doing that evening. I told him I just so happened to not have any solid plans (OK, OK, I know, it goes against The Rules ... I normally do follow them, really I do, I just wasn't thinking and was in a spontaneous mood, so spank me!!!!) Then he mentioned he had one small problem: he had lost his wallet two days earlier so whatever we did would have to be low-budget. I magnanimously offered to treat this time on condition that he would treat me next time, and he readily consented. (I KNOW that was probably his goal. SHUT UP. After I hung up with him I was kicking myself for saying that too.) We agreed on him stopping by an hour later (since, after all, he knew where I lived). The date was set, locked and loaded.
Two hours later, still no sweep on my doorstep and no explanatory phone call. The strains of "Chim Chim Cher-ee" that had been playing in my head just kind of petered out into indifferent nothingness. I wrote him off with a shrug, put on my PJs and curled up on the couch with some hot tea to watch Dodgeball. Of course, wouldn't you know it, not 2 minutes after I changed into my sweats and got de-gussied up, he bounced up to the door and rang the doorbell.
"Hi! Well, I'm here!"
"I can see that. But you were supposed to be here an hour ago. I thought you weren't coming."
"Sorry. It's dark and it took a while for me to find your place, and then my roommate had some problems with his car ..."
"I didn't get a call. And I assume you've got a cell phone since you're a technician. Tell you what. Let's go out some other time when you have your wallet back and everything's in order with your roommate and your life and all."
"But I was really looking forward to going out, can't we still go out? I mean, I'm here ..."
"No. I'm already in my sweats and it's 10 pm."
"We could hang out here ... ?"
"Not appropriate on a first date."
[Awkward pause.]
(Me) "Sorry if you feel awkward, but ... some other time. Have a good night."
Thus I showed him back out the door with the worst hangdog expression you ever saw on his crestfallen face, and went back to my tea and Dodgeball.
Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey,
Chim chim cher-ee!
A sweep is as lucky, as lucky can be
Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey
Chim chim cher-oo!
But not when he's late to a hot date with you
And doesn't give a heads-up and that's crap-py too!
;-)
Labels: chimney sweep, dating, Mary Poppins
